


Watching and Knowing

by Tarn



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, Longing, M/M, Quadruple Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 11:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarn/pseuds/Tarn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone is watching but it's not so bad as all that...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching and Knowing

**Author's Note:**

> My first bit of Red Dwarf slash.

Watching

Rimmer watched his bunkmate through half-lidded eyes. Lister was dancing about their room in his usual slobby morning attire of stained, threadbare boxers and an even more stained t-shirt, singing to himself quietly. Some inane song by one of the groups of pseudo-musicians he favored. Not proper music but oddly pretty when crooned.

He loved these moments. It didn't happen that often, Lister awake and mucking about before blockhead arrived with his breakfast. These times were precious to Rimmer. He could pretend to sleep and watch the man's every move. Studying. Memorizing. Worshiping. All under the cover of feigned slumber.

Rimmer did not recall exactly when it had happened. When Lister's general grubbiness had become endearing. His lack of refinement, charming. His chubby, smegging face and ridiculous dreadlocks, pathetically cute. When had disgust turned into desire?

He didn't know but it had and there was nothing he could do about it but watch and lust and sneak off to some secluded part of the ship to indulge in simulated self-abuse until pixelated fluid erupted only to wink out of existence before it even reached the floor. A fitting symbol of his ineffectual existence. 

It just made him sad.

 

Knowing

He thinks I don't notice the looks. How his eyes follow me. How he fakes being asleep so he can watch me. Thinks I'm totally unaware of his longing. But I'm not. I just don't mind so much.

It is nice to be wanted, even if it is a complete and utter smeghead doing the wanting. Honestly, he's not the least appealing admirer I've had. That was Petersen, though he said he was just really pissed that night.

I know, it's Rimmer. And ugh, Rimmer. But I can't deny that I care about him. I mean, after all this time how am I supposed to not? But this confused 'he's all I have so how can I not sorta want him; thing. It's just no good. He's a hologram.

It's worse than wanting Kochanski cause at least she's not right in front of me but still untouchable. So I don't let myself want him. Do anything I can to not picture his sweet, smug face when I wank. Really avoid thinking about him getting a body. Don't know what I'd do.

But I'm not gonna stop him looking cause it's all I have and how can I give that up?


End file.
